Joah just turned a year! It's so crazy to think that he has been in my life for a year now. He has been such a blessing to Ryan and me. I often times see the progress he has made and how much growth this year has been.
I decided to go back and look in my journal and read from last years entries. As I began reading them, the way I spoke, wrote and even the voice sounded unrecognizable. I don't even remember some of the things I wrote about. Once I continued reading I noticed something, God has shaped me SO MUCH. The girl writing the passages were me, just in a complete different season. I went through a season of anger about how my body looked while being pregnant. I realize now how selfish that was. There was also a time of complete fear, fear of the unknown and of judgement from peoples approvals. I didn't say these things on paper but after reading I knew that was what I was going through.
I'm writing this mainly for me to remember later on. Those days were hard and complicated but God grew me there. I have learned that the approvals of man wasn't just from being pregnant but a wound that I had from my childhood. Since then I have discovered how important it is to see me as God sees me. He is proud of me and knows my heart. A quote Pastor had said echos in my heart as I am learning who I am in God. "The only things that don't change are dead things." This is a journey, there will be dips but God is walking with me, guiding me.
Daddi, thank you for changing my life and giving me the opportunity to be a mom. I am so excited to go on this journey with You and grow more.
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