In Awe

   I never understood the saying, "I could just eat you up!" until Joah was born. When the doctor laid him on my chest, all I wanted to do was kiss and stare at him. I was in awe of him. To this day I still catch myself just staring at him, whether that's while he sleeps or when he giggles. There's something about your child that has the ability to pierce your thoughts. Nothing Joah does, NOTHING, will ever make me not love him. Today, while I was calming him down for a nap, I kept thinking, "He's perfect."

   This past weekend I had the incredible opportunity of hearing from Pablo Giacopelli talk about the heart. It blew my mind! The things that he was saying are hard to even relay to you guys. One of the main things that stuck out to me was that we are so focused on the "Me" that we forget about the "I." The "Me" is full of labels (i.e. your career, your relationships, your name) and it demands that you give your life to it. The "I" is us made IN His image. Pablo so eloquently stated that "When you start to live for the "I" the labels fall off." It's hard to love someone who has wronged you, but when you tell them you love them you don't say "Me love you!" you say "I love you!" To love someone who has wounded you, you must love them from the heart, the real you, the "I."

   Pablo, thank you for these mind blowing truths. But most of all, thank you for the truth that IS changing my life. The truth that "I" am perfect. Yes, you read that right I said I am perfect. Not because of me though, but because I'm not looking at myself as the world truly sees me. I'm beginning to see myself as God made me.

   I know right you are completely baffled at this truth. I'll be honest it took me a while to buy into this truth. After all, it has been a week and I'm just now catching a slight glimpse of it. I couldn't believe I was perfect because I know my darkest secrets and I know my struggles! I am far from perfect! But when I began to see myself as God sees me, this idea became a little easier to grasp.  Thankfully, I am made IN God's image and that makes me perfect. Today, when I was looking at Joah and I had the thought that he was perfect was when I heard God speak to me and say, "So are you, Kayla." HE IS A GOOD GOD! He's not up there in Heaven sitting on His throne thinking, "Why did I create her?" but merely thinking, "I love her and she is perfect." Man that is so freeing!! This reality is a process. It won't happen over night. But, I'm excited to learn and thankfully, there is no timeline with God.