Me and Him

Drip....Drip...Drip! The rain hits my rooftop and demands my attention. The sunset is peaking through the curtain of the clouds to see if it's time to shine. My mind is racing so fast I can't make out a single thought. "Stop thinking!" I try to tell myself, but even that command triggers dozens of thoughts. I'm scared not to think of what could happen and wanting desparately to forget what did. "Stop! Stop thinking!" I say chastising myself. Why can't I just be in the now? 

"Stay Present" is becoming my battlecry. I breathe and try to focus. Jesus, my Daddi, asks me why is it so important to stay on the moment? Dumbfounded I sit still and listen. But only for a moment. Thoughts quickly creep in, I think about the past and all I hear is deception and all my failures. Fearful and nervous that the past will somehow show up again in my future. 

That question still remains "why should I stay present?" If I'm in the present does that mean I'm ok with what happened and I can't plan for what's next? Those questions I know will be answered later but first I must know "why should I stay present?" I answer Jesus with a know it all attitude "You want to teach me in the now to prepare me for the future." Halfway through answering I realize I'm only saying what I know and not what I feel. But Daddi is interested in my heart.

Finally reaching a breakthrough I hear Him ask but what about you? This time my answer is from my heart not my head and it's raw and innocent. "Daddi you know my past and my future and you speak to me about both but here, in the now is where I hear you." 

Daddi lifts me up to my feet and reaches out His hand. He invites me in the rain to have our First Father Daughter dance. At this moment I'm not focused on approval, or being good enough, in this moment, in the present it's just me and Him.