Later that day I began reading through the Gospels and that's when I stumbled upon a thought. How hard must it have been for Mary to watch Jesus endure so much pain on the cross? Did she hurt like I did when Joah was crying? Or was she comforted by the fact that he would be fulfilling the will of God? As a parent, I want my child to follow his dreams---especially those that are given to him by The Holy Spirit. But would I have the courage to trust God with him even when it could be something dangerous? The whole reason Ryan and I wanted to have children was to bring glory to God (see my first blog "Staying With J" for more details). My son isn't my own, He belongs to God. He was and is a gift that God blessed my husband and me with. As tough as it may be, I need to remain faithful to my promise of giving Joah to God.
Just a year ago, I was trying everything I could to impress God. I did all of the typical Christian things like reading my Bible, listening to only Christian music, and praying as often as I could. While all of those things are good, my intent wasn't. I wanted to be "Super Christian" to impress God. When I forgot to do those things, I felt guilty and felt like God was disappointed. But I was wrong. I don't need to do those things for God to love me, I GET to do these things BECAUSE of the love I have for God. Even when I fall away from Him, He never moves. Religion consumed me. I always felt secure that I knew all I needed to know about who God was. But again, I was wrong. I was more in love with the idea of Jesus than really knowing Him. I thought of him as an angry God who was sitting on His thrown upset with His children every time we fell. But the biggest truth I've learned in this time is that's not who God is at all. When we fall, God doesn't yell and say, "Get back up and do it again--or else!" but He lifts up our head and says, "I love you. Let me help you."
When I first started this blog, it was just for me to keep track of what God was doing in my new life as a full-time mom. I never realized how much God taught me on a regular basis--until now. One of the ways which God is teaching me is through a book called "Holding On Loosely" By Pablo Giacopelli. A group of people from my church had read it last year but I didn't have the chance to finish it. We had an amazing opportunity to meet with the author and hear his experience of why he wrote the book. When presented with this "new way" of viewing God, I understood it but didn't experience it like the rest of my team. Lately, I've been reminded of this book and this time around God has prepared me to fully listen. This time, my heart was prepared and I am seeing God is a whole new light. I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes on this new view of God from the book;
"Its about finding a place of balance between completely surrendering, or giving up, and the need to control everything around us and within us."
To conclude, I want to explain my title, "Falling and I Can Get Up." With this new view of how God loves me, it has changed everything. It isn't that I have stopped falling, but its that when I DO fall, I know that God's love for me does not change. Each and every time that I fall, I am closer to God than I was before. Looking back on my life, I can see that all of my falls and failures have been to redirect my trajectory. I see God in a new light. I feel God in a new way. I pray that each one of you reading this blog gets the chance to experience God like I have in this last year. It's not about doing, doing, doing. It's about letting go of the control and resting in the arms of Jesus. He has done it all. This is especially true with Joah. I cannot go through this life walking behind him making sure he doesn't fall. He is going to fall. We all do. But, the difference is that when he falls, even when I'm no longer around, Jesus will pick him up and love him, still.
Just a year ago, I was trying everything I could to impress God. I did all of the typical Christian things like reading my Bible, listening to only Christian music, and praying as often as I could. While all of those things are good, my intent wasn't. I wanted to be "Super Christian" to impress God. When I forgot to do those things, I felt guilty and felt like God was disappointed. But I was wrong. I don't need to do those things for God to love me, I GET to do these things BECAUSE of the love I have for God. Even when I fall away from Him, He never moves. Religion consumed me. I always felt secure that I knew all I needed to know about who God was. But again, I was wrong. I was more in love with the idea of Jesus than really knowing Him. I thought of him as an angry God who was sitting on His thrown upset with His children every time we fell. But the biggest truth I've learned in this time is that's not who God is at all. When we fall, God doesn't yell and say, "Get back up and do it again--or else!" but He lifts up our head and says, "I love you. Let me help you."
When I first started this blog, it was just for me to keep track of what God was doing in my new life as a full-time mom. I never realized how much God taught me on a regular basis--until now. One of the ways which God is teaching me is through a book called "Holding On Loosely" By Pablo Giacopelli. A group of people from my church had read it last year but I didn't have the chance to finish it. We had an amazing opportunity to meet with the author and hear his experience of why he wrote the book. When presented with this "new way" of viewing God, I understood it but didn't experience it like the rest of my team. Lately, I've been reminded of this book and this time around God has prepared me to fully listen. This time, my heart was prepared and I am seeing God is a whole new light. I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes on this new view of God from the book;
"Its about finding a place of balance between completely surrendering, or giving up, and the need to control everything around us and within us."
To conclude, I want to explain my title, "Falling and I Can Get Up." With this new view of how God loves me, it has changed everything. It isn't that I have stopped falling, but its that when I DO fall, I know that God's love for me does not change. Each and every time that I fall, I am closer to God than I was before. Looking back on my life, I can see that all of my falls and failures have been to redirect my trajectory. I see God in a new light. I feel God in a new way. I pray that each one of you reading this blog gets the chance to experience God like I have in this last year. It's not about doing, doing, doing. It's about letting go of the control and resting in the arms of Jesus. He has done it all. This is especially true with Joah. I cannot go through this life walking behind him making sure he doesn't fall. He is going to fall. We all do. But, the difference is that when he falls, even when I'm no longer around, Jesus will pick him up and love him, still.
I was really inspired reading this and I think others will be too I will have to go get that book next week and start reading it...Thanks for the blog I really enjoyed reading it and Joah is a cutie pie God has truly blessed you and your husband with a special little boy...Lisa
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I am really encouraged by what you shared here....looking forward ti seeing you again next month!
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