Comfortability Reality Check

  This past week was my first week home with my son. For months I had anticipated this moment. Staying home with Joah. Ahh! Pure bliss! But nothing could prepare me for the reality of what my new life would actually look like. Luckily, Ryan was off Monday and Tuesday, so that made the transition a little easier. By the time Wednesday rolled around I was more than prepared to be at home alone with Joah...or so I thought. 

  Wednesday morning began with a not-so-good phone call. It put me in panic mode and I freaked out completely. In that moment of surprise, it was clear to me that my trust was in anything but Jesus. All hope was gone. I felt like a complete failure. I had a hard time that day really remembering that Jesus is my hope and my confidence cannot be in my flesh, ONLY in Him. I was reminded that my God is a God who provides. Provision is not something that God does, it's who He is. I am not perfect (and don't claim to be), but hear me on this--I genuinely thought my life was going great, good things were happening and I had it all together--but I began to realize that with those thoughts came arrogance. I was starting to rely on self and not my God. So, after a very humbling experience, God changed my heart and made it new. 

"Don't assume that you know it all, Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will  glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best" 
Proverbs 3:7-9 MSG 

  I didn't really understand what exactly I was going to endure being a stay at home mom. I guess I just thought it was going to be a "field of daisies" and didn't think about the challenges that would come with it. For example. "when will I get a break?" "how will I have time to re-energize?" and "will it mess Joah's schedule up when I go out into the community?" At first, I was asking these questions out of pure frustration, but over the course of this week, my heart has changed and these questions now have answers. I will get a break. I will have time to re-energize. And being called to share the gospel is not about routine but about relationships.

  My husband and I were driving past my old workplace this afternoon and He says to me, "You didn't think that your life would be easier there than it is at home." He followed that up with the question, "Would you change it if you knew it was going to be this hard?" That really got me thinking. The answer is NO. NO-- I didn't think that my new job as a full-time mommy would be harder than it was at the bank. And NO-- I wouldn't change it for anything. When God calls us to greatER things, it's not always comfortable. It actually rarely is. The challenge and heartache of a greatER calling is a really good thing because it sets God up perfectly to shine. 

"9 But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 
2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

   I thought that being home with Joah was going to be comfortable. I thought that my mommy instincts would take over and it would be smooth sailing from here on out. But, God sent me a "Comfortability Reality Check" on day 1. He has placed this calling on my heart. He gave me and my husband the faith to act on this calling. He will be the One giving me the strength each day to be the mommy He has called me to be. It's not about me. If it was, it really wouldn't work and we would all be in trouble. I am thankful that even though I have so many faults, God chose to use me. 

   I want to leave you with this quote from Pastor Hunter Wright:
"God does not accept our faults and failures like a friend, He removes them like a Savior."